My Big 5 Thrive Goals

Talking dissociation, redefining peak performance and laying down the roadmap for the path forward to thrive

First of all I have to start this entry by saying such a HUGE thank you for the most heartwarming and uplifting response to my last post. It’s nice to not feel alone for one, but also just nice to feel that I have so much support in my corner.

And now first…a short essay

Candidly, I’m coming off a week that has felt like nothing short of hell. One day soon I’ll be able to share at least some aspects of what I’m going through, but right now I’m just deeply in it and trying to get to the other side. I did not feel like I was living my “best life” this past week to say the least, and honestly struggled to just find the time and emotional resources to put proverbial pen to paper to write this today. But it’s because of exactly that reason that it’s so important I do show up; show up for myself, and for the aspirations and dreams I have.

When I say that Second Wave is dedicated to unapologetically forging a path to thriving > surviving, I really mean that; it means that in the weeks when it’s not easy (actually especially in the weeks that it’s not easy), it’s more important than ever to take up that space for yourself, to refuse to just keep your head down and get through it and to maintain the status quo.

To illustrate exactly what I just plainly refuse to keep doing, there’s a scene at the end of the 6th episode of Maid (which is amazing, by the way) when the protagonist Alex finds herself back in a state of perceived powerlessness and emotional exhaustion from trying to constantly break a horrible cycle. The scene closes with the light in her eyes dimming as the couch envelops her and she sinks away into dissociation and emotional numbing. It’s such a visceral and real representation of dissociating and I can relate to it so strongly. Over the last few years, when yet again I felt like I managed to get one step forward only to feel pulled three steps back, it felt exactly like that: like the only way to survive was to go numb because my brain and entire nervous system was defaulting to survival mode.

But lately, when I feel that pull to dissociate, I get, well…angry. A good kind of angry. To level set, I’m someone who by nature loves life. Have since I was a baby. I love people, I love adventure, I love to travel and to connect and to express myself. I like to grip it and rip it, as Hansel says in Zoolander. And for different extraneous reasons, it has felt in the last few years as if beyond the life-affirming experience of being a mama for my little one (who has been my life ring through all of this), I’ve been so frequently living in a dissociated state from the rest of my life to survive. And this retreating from life goes against my very nature in so many ways, sometimes it’s baffling to me that I’ve managed to exist this way for a few years now.

So coming off another week where I could’ve easily dissociated yet again, I’m here refusing to sink away; instead, I’m wanting to do the work of showing up for myself. And today, that means writing down the 5 main goals that kind of represent that elevated state for me. They’re not your usual goals (like lose 10 pounds or get a new car). They’re ones that are deeply personal to me and represent a whole lot more than mere achievements; they are a bit layered and symbolize a series of steps that will help me redevelop a blueprint for a new stage in life for myself. I really intentionally wanted these to be broad enough to represent a journey for each one, rather than destination. This is going to be a wordy one today (the preceding text doesn’t help on the word count front either) but since future posts are going to be a bit more tactics-focused, I’ve gotta lay all the strategy and general roadmap out now.

Well, let’s dive in before this becomes a novel.

My Five Thrive Goals For 2025

1. Make 2025 the year that all my “one day I will…” wishes and aspirations become “this year, I will…”.

I’m already on track for this which is amazing. One of my long held dreams was to finally get a breast reduction, and in just a few weeks, I am! This is something I’m doing for me; it’s not convenient for anyone, least of all Cal. It’s going to require some decent recovery. But it’s going to be life-changing for me in so many ways and I’m so unbelievably excited (and a bit nervous). Also on the list in no short order: 2025 is the year that I get my teeth aligned, get laser hair removal, go to Australia and start writing again.

2. Define what peak health means to me again, and find ways to maintain it sustainably.

I tend to revert to my 26 year old self when it comes to health and fitness; both in muscle memory and also what I expect my physical performance to be like. The fact is, I’m 10+ years older now and I’m feeling all the aches and pains of carrying around my 4 year old constantly plus the stress my body is internalizing physically. I’ve also been healing from a chronic injury that is complex and easy to retrigger. So my poor body…I keep putting it through these relentless paces, expecting it to snap back to attention like it did in my ‘20s and be able to train like I used to, whether that’s training for a half marathon or lifting the same way I did. And inevitably, with everything else going on, I either burn it out or injure myself or end up depleted and sick. I’m not saying all this because I’m trying to limit myself or not go for big fitness goals (like my hope of doing my first triathlon this fall), but I want to approach health in this era in a more holistic way than pure fitness performance. And importantly, not ignoring the real life limitations I have right now; like, I can’t do 1.5 hour workouts in this stage of life, and when I expect myself to go in all-or-nothing like I used to be able to do, I just set myself up for disappointment. So what does sustainable health look like to me right now? What is peak performance for this stage of life, and how does it account for my real life considerations? How can I approach health a bit more holistically - how can I weave it through every facet of my life so that I’m not just focusing on reps or however many workouts I get in a week, but also my emotional wellbeing and my rest?

3. Create just to create.

I’m so lucky that a lot of my professional life has been fueled by creativity and that I’ve been able to translate my creative strengths into actual income streams. But there is so much beauty in simply creating just for the fun of it. I look at Cal creating art or creating stories for his various cast of characters (usually dragons and random Dungeons & Dragons characters I have no idea about) and I find it so inspiring seeing his little being light up through imaginative play. I want to create, but more than create I want to play with no expectation of results (just like a child). Like, historically I’ve been pretty terrible with ceramics. But I have a lot of fun doing it! I love playing guitar and have all my life. I’m not that great but I love it. And I never make the time for it…why? A lot of this is inspired by both Big Magic and The Artist’s Way. The best way to be creative is to be creative. It’s not an adjective, it’s a verb.

4. Find my new anchors.

Since I’ve been just keeping my head above water the last few years and life has changed so fundamentally (and I mean that in so many ways, but in a practical sense, the day-to-day is entirely different), I feel like I’ve lost my healthy anchors. I used to have the same morning routine that I was committed to for years. Meditation, stretching, etc. It was amazing and I was really dedicated to it for so long. Same thing with my evening routine, walks to Granville Island, etc. I travelled so much it was really important for me to have these anchors to my days especially when I was home to keep me from feeling untethered. My days are pretty long now and I can’t exactly do the same hour long routines I had before, and making any routine really happen means I have to get up a lot earlier, but I think it’s worth it to feel that connection.

5. Reconnect with my feminine self.

I feel like I’ve become very hard the last few years; I felt like in letting my guard up in vulnerable moments, I paid the price for being “soft.” So now I feel like I’m tough always, and while the psych nerd in me knows we carry both the female and male self in us (shout out Jung), I feel so much more myself when I’m deeply connected with my femininity. I think part of it is not wanting to be seen right now, so in a literal sense I’m not dressing in a way that feels like my most true, innate sense of style, which errs a bit more femininely than what I’m doing these days. But it’s also in every other way; whether it’s self-care, how I show up professionally, in relationships, etc. It’s about embodying the most true-to-me version.

Okay so while this post was a whoooole lot of verbal diarrhea, I wanted to make sure I articulated it all because these 5 goals above will be my North Stars for trying, tackling and teasing out the different tactics that are going to help me hit each overarching ambition, and move into that thrive state. I’m aiming for a post a week, but may do more as needed because honestly, it’s cathartic and holds me accountable!

I want to hear from you; what goal or achievement would help you move into a more fulfilled and empowered you in 2025?